I hope I don’t get to heavy on you guys today. But sometimes the Lord prompts you to share things and when you’d really like to just brush it off he keeps pressing. So being that my word here is obey I’m going to step out in faith and just write. Grab a snack and a comfy seat. 😉
There are things about my life and my past that I wish I could just erase. Choices I made that I was completely naïve over how much they would affect me later on. There is a reason why God hates sin. Not only does it put barriers between us and him but God knows the wounds sin creates and because he loves us so much, I know he doesn’t want us to experience those wounds. But we live in a fallen world and are sinners by nature and at points act as if we know better than God. So, we rebel, make mistakes, poor self-centered choices, and incur the consequences of sinning. It’s not till after the act that we begin to feel the painful effects. This is where satan can do his best work, another thing God is keenly aware of. He knows how easily we can fall under guilt and shame. That’s why throughout his Word he repetitiously commands us to love him, trust him, and obey him. He wants to protect us.
Recently I came hard under a spiritual/mental attack. Maybe you know the kind, when your mind becomes a battlefield, you feel trapped within your thoughts, and you can’t shake the lies from the enemy no matter how hard you try. You do all you can to combat the lies with truth and he just keeps pounding. You go from fear, to anger, to doubt, to guilt, and before you know it you feel paralyzed by ALL THESE FEELINGS. You want to choose Jesus despite them but they feel so real. Satan works to convince me how foolish it would be to choose Jesus over my thoughts. That I’d be stupid to obey God despite how I feel. I then begin to feel like a crummy Christian because I know I have everything I need in Christ to overcome this attack and yet I feel confused about which weapon to pick up and fight with. I already feel defeated. And then satan whispers the biggest whopper of a lie.
Jesus can’t heal you from your past.
I shrug it off. Yes he can. He already has.
The devil persists. Do not underestimate his effort to destroy you. He is out to get you and any avenue of ministry you are linked to: marriage, mothering, friendships, family members, church, work ect. The first step in defeating him is acknowledging his desire to ruin you through whatever means possible. He whispers again,… if God is your healer why do you still struggle with the mistakes from your past? You’re still wrestling with the emotional wounds. They’re still there, just as deep and painful. You’re not healed, which makes you worthless and ineffective. And if you’re not healed then you honestly can’t believe that you have any hope to offer others. You are broken and you will always be broken.
When I am in this kind of mental battle some of the best resources God has given me to fight with are that of other Christians. If you struggle in this way I encourage you to find at least one mature believer that can fight with you. I have about a handful, praise the Lord! Find someone you can trust to confide in, someone that’s willing to get a little messy with ya. 😉 We can’t win battles alone. Satan will try to keep you in isolation. We need the admonition of fellow believers.
My dad gave me this analogy with his leg. He broke it many years ago and within the last couple years a bone infection was discovered which led to five different surgeries. One in which the doctor accidentally broke it again. He went on to tell me that now, though his leg has been fixed and is healed, there are moments where he still experiences pain. The more he thinks about it the longer the pain lingers. It’s healed but it won’t be healed perfectly on this side of heaven. We’re a lot like his leg. We’ve been redeemed, our sins forgiven, our wounds healed, but we’re still on earth and we have not been perfected yet. Every now and then we have moments of pain well up from previous sins (whether they be our sins or others) but that doesn’t mean God has not or will not heal us. Satan wants us to mull over the pain, keeping us lamenting over the past but at some point we have to move forward and just use it to glorify God. Because let’s not forget that God allows our past to be a means to connect with people who are undergoing the same suffering. How can we say “I know what you’re going through” if we don’t? How can we begin to share the healing God has done in our own life if we don’t have the scar to show for it?
Then I had a conversation with my dear friend Kaitlyn. As we talked through this struggle we had this moment of heaviness over what Jesus went through on our behalf. Physically tortured to then be put naked on a cross and bear the physical, emotional and mental weight of ALL our sins. And worst of all experienced what it’s like to be completely separated from God. Even in my darkest hour I have no clue what it’s like to be totally separated from God. Jesus endured that so I wouldn’t have to. On one hand I felt it appropriate that, in a very small way, I get to share in His sufferings. “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his suffering, becoming like him in death……” (Philippians 3:10) This is a perspective I think vital to consider when we are undergoing suffering. And on the other hand I was completely overwhelmed with gratitude for what Jesus did for me.
God is always at work in the midst of our battles. He knows how we need to be trained for his big story.
I believe He is my Healer. He has redeemed some of the gravest of sins from my past in the most beautiful of ways that only he is capable of doing. He is my Rescuer and my Deliver. I am still learning to trust his ways and timing because at points I do wish he’d just pull me out of the battle altogether.
And in case you are wondering…. He is YOUR Healer, YOUR Redeemer, YOUR Rescuer. Run to HIM. Let him make beauty from your ashes. (Isaiah 61) Allow him to demolish the lies of satan (2 Corinthians 10:5) that you are hopeless. Let him speak the truth that “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Corinthians 4:17) Let him work in your life, past, present and future so he can be glorified in YOU. “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18) Let him train you and make you strong and confident with who you are in Christ.
Living life apart from God is hopeless, but we don’t have to. I hope you know that and that you’ll embrace His magnificent love every single day.
Our three white hens have finally started laying eggs. I skipped a day collecting and went down Saturday to find half a dozen beautiful white eggs waiting for me. Half a dozen sounds so much better than six, haha! I am pleasantly surprised that my aversion to eggs did not return this time. For some reason when Penny (bless her little chicken heart, RIP Penny) started laying I suddenly was revolted by eggs. I mean honestly! But this time we are all enjoying them. Don’t you wanna be my neighbor? 😉
Grahams in His Grace 