Dear Baby C

You’ve been with us almost six months and soon you’ll be going home to your mommy. I haven’t written much about you, not because there isn’t anything worth sharing but because the last six months have been unusually eventful for us. You have gotten to be apart of many of those events and I’m so thankful that your mommy trusted us, even requested us, to travel with you. Your mommy loves you and has been so thoughtful toward what’s in your best interest.

You are a beautiful, smiley girl. Yes, at times, I think you smile out of nervousness, but still, everyone is so drawn to you. Everywhere we go people say how beautiful you are. And that baby chunk, oh my….. it looks good on you. 😉 You do have quite the set of lungs though. Maybe you’ll be a singer. You came to us screaming out of confusion and fear. You’ve grown comfortable with us now and I’m happy to say that when you scream it’s typically like any normal healthy toddler just trying to be heard. And one look from daddy J and, as they say around here, you “dry it up”. I need to learn that look. 😉 Baby C you are incredibly smart. I mean yeah you’re only one but seriously, you are sharp aaaaand you’ve got a little bit of sass. Most girls do though, right? This enables you to push the boundaries and test certain waters. I’ve already caught you, after being corrected or redirected, laying on the floor face down and peeking your eyes up to see if anyone will react. Oh boy, I hope your mommas will is stronger than yours. I think it is. She has shown great strength and determination to get you home. You have so much potential baby C. I hope you will always know that God made you and he loves you. You may not remember it but you have already been disappointed by people. Even me. People are not perfect, we make mistakes, and we all disappoint each other. But God is perfect and God not only will not disappoint us but He can redeem all that has. No matter what happens in your future, our greatest hope for you is that you will trust Jesus with everything.

Baby C you have tickled us with your laughter, dazzled us with your smile, pierced our ears a time or two, but most importantly, you’ve taught us another level of how to love. That is something I am truly grateful for. It wasn’t always easy, but it has been so worth it. We love you and will always be praying for you.

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Jason Johnson Blog

I promise…… I will write something of my own soon 😜

I am sharing this particular article today because as a foster parent I want people to understand why Jason and I are doing this. I want people to understand our thought process and the things God has revealed to us. And often times someone else articulates it better than I can. Jason Johnsons website has truly been an invaluable resource to me. If you know someone who has fostered or adopted I believe this may help you better understand their decisions. And with greater understanding comes greater support, encouragement and prayer, which we definitely need. 🙂

http://jasonjohnsonblog.com/blog/counting-the-costs-of-fostering-or-adopting

Lean not on your own understanding…..

I wrote this post a few weeks ago. When I got around to publishing I wasnt sure what to title it. And then it hit me. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I have written before on strange feelings that you experience in fostering children. There are so many. Strange not being necessarily bad, just weird, like butterflies in your stomach.

We had gotten to have our two previous foster boys with us for several days. Their grand parents were feeling under the weather so I was thrilled to offer some relief. We had little baby J a week and big baby K for the following weekend. I thought I was biting off more than I could chew. I mean 6 kids is one thing. But 3 of them under the age of 2 that’s another story. All in all it was a real treat. You really learn how to improvise with that many babies. “Here, have an appetizer while I fix your dinner. Puffs anyone?” Honestly the goal in my head goes something like this, “If we can keep the crying to a minimal it’ll all be ok. I’ll be ok. Here, have a go go squeeze.” I probably spent half our grocery budget in all that trendy baby junk but whatever, it works! And then Jason came home on Saturday with the big guns. Bubbles, chalk, and a slide. My hero! 😍

Back to the topic at hand though. As I watched Jason teach baby K, who is now totally a toddler, how to play teeball I felt mixed emotions. On one hand I felt a sense of happiness and Gods grace in this little guys life. Someone (us!) is teaching him teeball. Yet there is a sadness over the fact that we are filling shoes of his real parents. When I feed baby J his bottles and snuggle up to his precious face….. I feel privileged that I get to do this but I feel broken that his mommy isn’t. It’s good and sad all at once.

People often tell me, “I could never foster. I wouldn’t be able to let them go.” Honestly, it’s crossed my mind to respond, “Do you think I’m void of those emotions?” Usually I say something to diffuse the comment because I know people don’t mean what could be implied. A fellow blogger and foster/adoptive parent Jason Johnson has the perfect response, “Instead of letting the fear of getting too attached deter us, we should actually let the fear of these kids never feeling truly attached to someone drive us. These kids need people that are willing to love them enough to hurt for them if they ever have to let them go.”

We’ve only “let them go” 3 times so far and each time was different. We had our first placement (4 years ago) that we requested removal, that stunk. It was confusing trying to do what was right but fighting guilty feelings. Then we had a emergency placement. That was strange because two little girls came and went within a week and I have no clue how they are doing. Then came the boys. That’s been a roller coaster. In ways I have bonded with baby J like my own. And then there is K…. he has some quirks but something about him is equally endearing. I love these boys. God flooded me with peace when they left us. I pray for that peace to return. As their case moves forward and is coming to a close I am trying to grapple with what their future holds. I want to confidently place them in the sovereign hands of God but my mothering instincts and that pesky desire for control creeps in. I find myself wondering how all the choices that were made for them will effect them. I have this urge to spring into action, “What can we do?!?” And yet everything is out of my hands. And though Satan may tempt me to fear and worry, I am reminded Who’s hands they are in. And so I pray and I trust and I rest in the Fathers infinite love for those two little guys. And I cling to scriptures like this.

“Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them. You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so mere people can no longer terrify them.” Psalms‬ ‭10:17-18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Foster Care Article

Today I would like to share with you an article on foster care that was posted on Desiring God. Probably one of the most well written, well summed up, articles I’ve read on foster care and the Christian’s response. If you are a foster parent, you’ll find it relatable and I believe encouraging. If you are interested in fostering, you’ll find it helpful. If you know someone who fosters, you’ll find it extremely insightful. 

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/foster-care-for-the-least-of-these

Love like Jesus

There is something about fostering that I’m learning and have wanted to share. It’s something that I’m not sure gets talked about openly, because it’s a sensitive subject. I imagine it’s very hard to understand if you haven’t fostered or adopted, but I’m guessing it’s not unique to me. :-/

Before we stepped into fostering, the idea of caring for children in need just pulled at my heartstrings. For the most part, I thought that loving someone else’s child the way I love my own would come naturally. Especially since, for now, we have chosen to foster babies and toddlers. I just couldn’t imagine it being difficult to love a baby. Additionally, knowing that these children are coming from such broken places, I assumed the compassion I had would further fuel my love and affection.

I thought too highly of myself.

There are days when my affection does not flow naturally. My love feels forced and fake. I get irritated by behaviors that I didn’t contribute to. I forget about their trauma and being compassionate.

I am selfish and self serving.

Honestly, the thing that confronted me most (and God has been dealing with me ever so gently) is all the selfishness and pride that is bound up in my parenting. My kids aren’t perfect, but they are healthy, generally happy, mostly obedient, smart, funny, and beautiful. And though I KNOW that is all because of God’s sovereign grace and mercy, there are moments when I’m tempted to think, “Jason and I did such a good job. We are such good parents.”

Children in foster care come with so much hurt and brokenness and it manifests itself differently in each child. It takes awhile sometimes to see the unique God given beauty and wonderful characteristics that He has placed in them. They come dealing with trauma. They come with quirks. Right now we have a screamer. My point is, I have been enjoying my children and parenting out of the overflow of GOOD things. We haven’t had to walk through anything really tough yet with our children and so, for the most part, loving them, liking them, it’s been pretty easy. In foster parenting you are brought a child that has been hurt, had no structure, and no loving discipline. They exhibit odd and even frustrating behaviors that are not their fault, at that point you are confronted with your true motives in parenting. I’ll be honest, I like when our children make us look good. It is an “I will invest in you and you will yield a profit,” mentality, with the “profit” being you respond in a way that makes me feel and look good. I know, it is worldly and consumer oriented. I know that’s not what parenting is about. Children are not our accessories though often we treat them that way.

Here to serve, not be served.

“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.”
Galatians‬ ‭5:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God has revealed to me that if we are to be effective in fostering (AND parenting), we have to accept the good and the bad, the beautiful and the broken, just like he does.

Katie Davis makes a compelling observation in her book, Kisses from Katie:

It’s just different when it’s your own child who’s suffering. But should it be?…..I believe that this is a normal human reaction. I also believe it is wrong. I believe that every human being on this planet is God’s child, perfectly made and beloved and cherished by Him. I believe that His heart hurts, even more than mine when my baby is hurting, for each and every one of the hurting, dying, starving, crying children in our world. So I have to believe that if my heart was truly seeking to be aligned with the heart of God, that I would hurt for each of these children as well. But sometimes, I forget. Sometimes I’m busy. Sometimes hurting for my very own children feels like enough. I believe the world says this is okay. I believe it is wrong.

This was so very convicting for me to read. But I believe she is right! Not only have I thought it was okay to love or hurt more for my children but more selfish than that, I have been all about what is good, beautiful and easy, and when faced with the uncomfortable, bad and broken I realized how shallow my love is. Thankfully God has placed His Holy Spirit in me and THAT is what makes it possible for me to truly love. I pray my heart would continue to align with His so I can love like He loves. We are here to serve and especially in the hard, broken places. It’s our job to show our children and other people’s children and ALL PEOPLE how Jesus loves.

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.””
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭20:28‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Where am I and who are you?

There are so many things that did not cross my mind about children in foster care until we were in the thick of it with them. On one hand we “knew” they would have suffered trauma and we “knew” there would be things about them that are different than our own children or our friends children. But until we started serving these kiddos day in and day out, we couldn’t possibly really know.

On Monday we got a call about a nine month old baby girl. And she is every bit as precious as you are probably imagining. She has the sweetest, softest baby chunk I’ve ever snuggled. She has wavy auburn hair and smiley blue eyes. And when she smiles she crinkles her nose and shows off her two pearly white bottom teeth. But like most babies in foster care she didn’t come smiling. She came screaming, confused, and unsure of everything. And though the screaming has lessened with each day, I still find myself wondering what happened and why.

When these children come, you want them to understand they are safe. That whatever happened to bring them here, they can trust you. But that understanding doesn’t happen over night. So you have to be incredibly patient as they learn to trust you and feel safe and secure in this new place. And having that patience is easier said than done. When certain odd behaviors persist, you think to yourself, “Why are they still doing this? Don’t they know they don’t have to do that anymore?” I constantly have to reset my mind and perspective, reminding myself that, though I know they are safe, and there needs will be met, they don’t necessarily know that yet.

We went to a church fellowship and of course everyone was gushing over baby girl. And like a lot of normal baby loving people, there were some who wanted to hold her. Which is absolutely fine, except, she didn’t want to be passed around. And I realized why. Monday strangers came to her rescue, brought her to a strange DFCS office and gave her to a bunch of unfamiliar faces. Then she was put in a car with a transporter, some man she’s never seen, to be brought to another new environment with more new people. Our house. Her life for the next several months now will be a series of going from one stranger and strange place to the next. I had never thought about this, and how it effects these children, until we witnessed it first hand. It’s unique to every child how this scenario impacts them but make no mistake, it does. Now my face is becoming familiar to her. So it’s understandable why she holds on to me for dear life when we go places. She can not speak but you know in her infant mind she’s thinking, “Who is gonna take me next?”

Our prayers, your prayers, over these children in foster care are vital. Will you pray with me for them? Pray for protection over their hearts and minds. Pray for healing and redemption no matter the outcome of their case plan. And pray that these children and their families will find hope in Jesus Christ.

“And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him.” 1 John‬ ‭5:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The In Between

So this is really our first time being in between placements. Typically during any period of waiting I am super antsy. You know how it is when something new is on the horizon and you just wonder what it’s gonna be like and you can’t wait to get there to see. I think there have been many times in my life where I didn’t really soak up where I was because I became so preoccupied with the next chapter of life. Paul’s words of learning the secret of contentedness is something I have prayed I would learn. Philippians 4:12- “… I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, “

Well, praise the Lord, I think I’m finally making some progress in this area. And truly all the credit goes to Him. Since the boys have been gone I’ve really been able to enjoy and soak up this in between. I feel rested now that I’m getting a full nights sleep. The girls and I have been enjoying school together with no interruptions. We’ve been able to get out of the house more, see friends and visit the library. I stay awake later catching up with my husband and enjoying time alone. We’ve eaten less pizza because I actually have the energy to cook. It snowed last night and we played outside till 10:00pm and then stayed up till almost midnight playing cards with the kids. With the babies, I was so tired from the physical and emotional exhaustion that I simply could not hang out as freely as normal. And though the sacrifice is totally worth it, we are very much enjoying this time in between.


I’m grateful for the time to reconnect with my family. It’s also been a good opportunity for me to have some heart checks of my own. My times with the Lord have been so sporadic and I was reminded that my communion with God can not take a backseat to ministering to people. ““Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” John‬ ‭15:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬ It’s so important to nurture our relationship with Christ because if neglected our service potentially can become about self. If I spend no time at the feet of Jesus I become preoccupied with my performance of the task, not my expression of love to Jesus and those I am ministering to in His name. I become Martha (Luke 10:40) distracted, worried, focused on what needs to be done, resenting everyone for not “helping” me. We are called into relationship with Jesus that is marked by love driven by desire, not duty. Doing ministry without spending time with Jesus is the equivalent to never spending time with your husband or children and saying that all your cooking and cleaning is for them. Does the action mean anything if there is no love and relationship backing it up? I want my actions to point to Christ. I want my love for Him to be the obvious reason for anything good I do. And loving someone requires spending time with them.

So during this time I want to seek and savor Jesus at every opportunity “Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!” Psalms‬ ‭34:8 NLT and enjoy the time and freedom with family and friends. “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We are praying over the next little one God brings in our life and capitalizing on the opportunities to continue helping the boys grandma whenever possible. And for maybe the first time, I’m really enjoying the in between. 🙂