Lord, awaken us…

One reason that I am so thankful God is using our family in foster care is because of the awareness it has given us. Not even just of children or families in care but it naturally exposes you to other children and families that my middle class American life might not otherwise get exposure to. That’s embarrassing to admit as a Christian but it’s true. I’ve been on short term mission trips and I’ve done community services where you go, you give, and then you leave. I get to return to my safe, comfortable lifestyle and quickly forget about what I’ve seen. Not so with fostering. Our life is woven in the brokenness of other families day in and day out.

I can not un-see.

There are daily reminders on every corner of this lifestyle that is so vastly different from mine. A lifestyle that is utterly heart breaking to me and yet to some individuals, it’s just normal. Things I consider wrong, irresponsible, neglectful, harmful, is “normal”.

I know things now that explain so much.

Like that “bad kid” in elementary school legitimately was taught from the time he was a toddler to tell people to “shut up” or “F@$& off”. In his life the people around him considered this appropriate and acceptable, sometimes even funny.

Precious little girls who have never been valued. Ever. Never in their life have they seen women being respected and treasured. Why would she assume she should value and respect herself?

Children that grow up in filthy, neglectful, drug using, abusive homes do not typically grow up to one day realize, “This isn’t normal.” From what I have seen, typically, they grow up and repeat it. I know this because I have cared for the children of those children. And the cycle continues. Some might say “They should know better,… eventually.” How could they know??? No one has ever taught them. Additionally, most of these children’s brain development and maturity has been stunted. Their age may suggest “adult” but their brain still operates as a child. (Google trauma and brain development.) Maybe they age and “know better” but they still have the coping skills of say a 9 year old.

May the Lord flood us with compassion and mercy….

I’m heavily burndened this morning. Burdened for these parents and children. Burdened for the generation after generation….. I asked God this morning, “Lord, what does it take? Lord, intercede for these children and families!!” And what His Word reminds me over and over is how He wants to…… through His church.Through us! And I know that we have got to rise up. We can’t just close our eyes and act like “Not my kids, not my problem.” If we are Christ followers, if the love of God is in us, it is TOTALLY our problem. If the love of God is truly in us, that love will compel us to MAKE IT our problem. I think of that beautiful song by Hillsong, Hosanna, it sings “break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I am for Your Kingdoms cause.” I have prayed that to God and let me tell you he has not failed to answer that. And my heart is in pieces right now,… kind of beautifully broken, as it is aligning with my Lords heart of mercy, love, compassion and grace.

I am praying that we would not shrink back. (Hebrews 10:39) I am praying that Christians all around would awaken to what God has called us to do. And I’m not saying it’s always foster care or adoption but it IS loving the helpless, the orphan, the widow, the abused, the hard to love and so on. There are so many ways God wants to use us!!! We have got to open our eyes to who is helpless. We have to quit casting our judgement on life styles and choices that we don’t even understand or know the depths of pain that caused it. We need to reach out and be willing to get messy with people. We need to sacrifice our pretty, comfortable, life of convenience and ease. And you better believe I am preaching to myself! 🙂

Pray for me. Pray for our family. I’m praying for all of you. 🙂 Pray we as Christians would wake up and be courageous enough to truly LOVE as God loves, “he who did not spare his own Son but gave Him up for us all….” Romans 8:32

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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The Truth and the lie of “Not good enough”

I don’t know if this is common for all women but every couple of months I will have a freak out moment. It typically involves me taking a survey of every area of my life and coming to the conclusion that I’m failing miserably at it all.

I’m a horrible mom, I’m a horrible wife, and I’m a horrible Christian. (Yes, I’m very dramatic.)

I’m not doing enough of this or that.

I don’t spend as much time in the Word, at the feet of Jesus, as I should.

I’m not engaging my kids enough in discipleship and spiritual disciplines.

I’m not doing enough projects, crafts, book reports, salt dough maps.

Usually on this day my house is a mess so obviously that means I NEVER keep a clean house.

Am I spending enough quality time with my kids? What about one on one time? Are Jason and I having enough intentional moments together?

I start going through a list of everything we don’t consistently do. This list I keep but apparently only for the purposes of pulling out during this time to depress myself with. It also includes how,….

We rarely have the opportunity to sit down altogether for family meals.

We don’t do family devotionals.

My girls have never made a miniature solar system with styrofoam balls.

They don’t play on a team sport.

We don’t have a home church. They don’t go to AWANAS or GAs or RAs or children’s choir.

I could go on but you get the picture.

I was on the phone with my mom lamenting all these things and of course she brought me back from the ledge. The ledge that screams “Not enough” and “You’re failing”.

The ledge is a lie cleverly concealed with a bit of truth. It’s a tool wielded by Satan to bring us to despair. And often times, the voices of the culture are chiming in from that ledge. Satan knows that feelings of failure and the lie of “not enough” have the potential to overwhelm us, consume us and truly make us ineffective in one way or another. The way to combat this attack is by separating the truth from the lies. I believe our best defense against this is through remembering who we are in Christ and reminding ourselves what’s ultimately important in the scope of eternity.

My responsibility is to be obedient to Christ with what he has given me, not what he has given my neighbor. To steward well what he’s entrusted to us, not to compare and despair and believe the lies of “not good enough”.

It’s liberating to remind myself that….

We actually don’t have to take trips to some theme park every year to express love to our kids. That quality time and bonding is just as easily found when making a vending machine with their daddy. Or going for a jog with their mommy. Or reading stories before bed.

They don’t always have to have extra curricular activities lined up for them. They learn there is no “I” in “team” when they push little ones on swings, make forts together on the property, help mommy in the kitchen and read to younger siblings.

Jason and I can survive with out date nights and romantic getaways. Porch dates prove just as rewarding and special.

It’s okay if they never make a styrofoam solar system or salt dough map of the United States. Although I may try to stretch myself on this one because I know they’d love it.

It’s hard competing with what we’re told is the standard of good enough. I wish I would quit but I know it creeps in my mind subtly without me always knowing.

Typically after I back away from the ledge and gain a more rational perspective I know, although I sin and fall short of Gods glory, taking a defeated position would not honor Him. The ledge screams failure but Gods Word tells me I’m a conqueror. I don’t have to succumb to the worlds standards of what’s best or enough but there is room for healthy, godly evaluations and resolves. So….

I will make every effort to get in the Word with my family.

I will have intentional moments with my husband and kids.

I will hone in on my children’s God given gifts and talents so they can use them for His glory.

We will find the right church.

I will (by golly!) attempt a styrofoam solar system and/or salt dough map at least of the state of Georgia.

But I don’t have to solve all this TONIGHT or this week or month.

One thing at a time, starting in Gods Word. And He will be enough for us.