I don’t know if this is common for all women but every couple of months I will have a freak out moment. It typically involves me taking a survey of every area of my life and coming to the conclusion that I’m failing miserably at it all.
I’m a horrible mom, I’m a horrible wife, and I’m a horrible Christian. (Yes, I’m very dramatic.)
I’m not doing enough of this or that.
I don’t spend as much time in the Word, at the feet of Jesus, as I should.
I’m not engaging my kids enough in discipleship and spiritual disciplines.
I’m not doing enough projects, crafts, book reports, salt dough maps.
Usually on this day my house is a mess so obviously that means I NEVER keep a clean house.
Am I spending enough quality time with my kids? What about one on one time? Are Jason and I having enough intentional moments together?
I start going through a list of everything we don’t consistently do. This list I keep but apparently only for the purposes of pulling out during this time to depress myself with. It also includes how,….
We rarely have the opportunity to sit down altogether for family meals.
We don’t do family devotionals.
My girls have never made a miniature solar system with styrofoam balls.
They don’t play on a team sport.
We don’t have a home church. They don’t go to AWANAS or GAs or RAs or children’s choir.
I could go on but you get the picture.
I was on the phone with my mom lamenting all these things and of course she brought me back from the ledge. The ledge that screams “Not enough” and “You’re failing”.
The ledge is a lie cleverly concealed with a bit of truth. It’s a tool wielded by Satan to bring us to despair. And often times, the voices of the culture are chiming in from that ledge. Satan knows that feelings of failure and the lie of “not enough” have the potential to overwhelm us, consume us and truly make us ineffective in one way or another. The way to combat this attack is by separating the truth from the lies. I believe our best defense against this is through remembering who we are in Christ and reminding ourselves what’s ultimately important in the scope of eternity.
My responsibility is to be obedient to Christ with what he has given me, not what he has given my neighbor. To steward well what he’s entrusted to us, not to compare and despair and believe the lies of “not good enough”.
It’s liberating to remind myself that….
We actually don’t have to take trips to some theme park every year to express love to our kids. That quality time and bonding is just as easily found when making a vending machine with their daddy. Or going for a jog with their mommy. Or reading stories before bed.
They don’t always have to have extra curricular activities lined up for them. They learn there is no “I” in “team” when they push little ones on swings, make forts together on the property, help mommy in the kitchen and read to younger siblings.
Jason and I can survive with out date nights and romantic getaways. Porch dates prove just as rewarding and special.
It’s okay if they never make a styrofoam solar system or salt dough map of the United States. Although I may try to stretch myself on this one because I know they’d love it.
It’s hard competing with what we’re told is the standard of good enough. I wish I would quit but I know it creeps in my mind subtly without me always knowing.
Typically after I back away from the ledge and gain a more rational perspective I know, although I sin and fall short of Gods glory, taking a defeated position would not honor Him. The ledge screams failure but Gods Word tells me I’m a conqueror. I don’t have to succumb to the worlds standards of what’s best or enough but there is room for healthy, godly evaluations and resolves. So….
I will make every effort to get in the Word with my family.
I will have intentional moments with my husband and kids.
I will hone in on my children’s God given gifts and talents so they can use them for His glory.
We will find the right church.
I will (by golly!) attempt a styrofoam solar system and/or salt dough map at least of the state of Georgia.
But I don’t have to solve all this TONIGHT or this week or month.
One thing at a time, starting in Gods Word. And He will be enough for us.