God is gracious and merciful; We are so close!!!

To the faithful readers of the most neglected blog in the universe……

We are so close to the finish line on this home. Jason started installing tile a little over a week ago and he brought home over 3,000 square feet of hardwood flooring as well. Being the one man show that he is, and also an extreme perfectionist, things at this stage are going a bit slow. After floors, we will move on to stair rails, vanities, cabinets, light fixtures, plumbing fixtures, hardware, exterior painting and landscaping. So yes, still quite the punch list.

I wanted to take a moment though and share some of the sweet gifts God has given us during this time of living in my parent’s house. I’ve shared some of the challenges, sleeping arrangements being the greatest. But God has enriched many areas of our life during this time; primarily DUE TO the tight quarters.

We are always together. Our family for years has been pretty tight knit. Being a homeschool family naturally strengthened our bonds, but prior to moving we still had a big enough house to retreat when necessary. We haven’t had that luxury here. There is virtually nowhere for any one of us to go to be alone. Caleb has shared a “bedroom” with Jason in the living room while the girls are on bunkbeds in a room together. And I pretty much always have a small child attached to me. But the positive has FAR outweighed the negative.

We talk all the time. Well, Jason and I don’t get much time to talk HOWEVER we have had some of the richest conversations with our children. It’s really quite interesting to me to consider what simply ALWAYS being together has elicited conversationally. I’m so thankful because I have seen so much growth in our kids the last year and I do believe in large part it is because of the amount of time we have had together and the gospel-oriented conversations the Lord has given us. Wednesdays have become a favorite evening of mine when our oldest 3 come home from church and all gather on my bed or in the living room and just share everything.

We have to share A LOT of things; Bathrooms, bedrooms, tv’s, music stations, and so much more. When you are sharing a single space, everyone is being challenged to give up SOMETHING for someone else. We have to negotiate, compromise, and die to self ALL THE TIME because there is literally no room for mine. It’s made me realize on a new level how our way of life, affluency, and excess has contributed to our individualism and self-centeredness. Having multiple tv’s, bedrooms and devices in our old house allowed us all to watch what WE want, encouraging self-centered preferences AND separation. And I never even realized the mindset it was feeding nor what we were missing out on. We haven’t fully arrived and still struggle at times with family squabbles but I’m grateful for what the Lord has revealed to us about togetherness.

We have to apologize A LOT. Being in close relationship with people inevitably exposes ALL our sin. When we are offensive or get offended, when we think we are right or demand our way, once again, there is no where for us to go and hide and stuff our feelings. We’ve had conflict, made fools of ourselves in front of the whole family and are thankfully forced to resolve it swiftly. Because we are together so much there is built in accountability with one another. And there is no rug big enough in this house to just sweep our sin under. What a mercy!! We are all learning how to confront others graciously and how to apologize sincerely. And it’s beautiful.

As we get closer to finishing our home there is much we all look forward to. But I am eternally thankful that the Lord allowed us this season, especially at such a critical time in our older children’s lives. And had it been on my time table it would not have happened. Another reminder that God’ ways are higher, he knows better, and we can absolutely trust Him.

New Year Update

Hello everyone; here we are in January 2024. It is either my age (I turned 37 back in November!) or this long season of waiting that makes me think, “Good grief, is it really 2024?” As you may know, wonder or suspect, our house is not yet complete. (very big sigh) I keep saying, “We are so close!!!” and we are…. Truthfully though, it feels like something I keep touching with my finger tips only to be pushed further away from my grasp. As you can imagine that is pretty frustrating. I am trying so very hard to maintain the right perspective. We have a home. We have our family. We have Jesus.

Jason is currently working on installing all our doors and trim. After that we can begin painting the interior, followed by installing lighting, flooring, cabinets, and so forth. We are also waiting for our electrical panels to come in, which is one thing that is really out of our control. I am praying and exercising trust in God’s timing of each step in the process.

I have had some weary days though. While Christmas was wonderful and lots of family have come and gone, December left me exhausted, and given that we thought for sure we would be moving in this month, that has been a bit of a let down. To combat those feelings of discouragement I remind myself of all the many GIFTS God has given us, in addition to his Son Jesus, in this season of waiting.

1. Isaac, a most delightful addition. Can’t believe he is about to be 1!

2. Sweet time with my parents (and so much support)

3. Some of the BEST Christian community we have ever had.

4. Our children thriving spiritually; Micaila and Ryann being discipled.

5. Our oldest, Micaila, using her God given gifts to serve the Lord in corporate worship.

6. Jason and Micaila committing to a short term mission trip to Honduras this year.

7. The three oldest all having some really great friends.

8. Family that has been able to visit because we have a place for them to stay!

There are many other things the Lord has been at work doing. I am sure, as John Piper would put it, at least 10,000 things that I cannot even see. I don’t have anything really eloquent or inspiring to say. I know, kind of lame for a New Years post. No “resolutions”; except what I wake up every day resolving to do: get through each day loving God and loving my family to the best of my ability with contentedness and gratitude.

Framing

Well friends, we are almost done with the framing of our house AND getting the shingles put on. It’s been nearly 3 weeks since they started and it’s shaping up really nice. I’m very thankful we have a wonderful and gifted framer because our plans have been interesting to work with. He’s had to improvise at a few different points but he has done so thoughtfully and beautifully; he sought to ask us what we want him to do, instead of just doing what he thinks best or is easiest. Also EXTREMELY thankful, all over again, for my parents generosity in letting us live here. It has made this process so convenient and joyful. We all love getting to walk over and see the progress every day AND grab supplies or make design decisions with ease.

I can’t remember if I said this previously, but we had changed house plans several times and honestly, I wasn’t totally “sold” on these. But I am now. The house looks massive from the outside but truly the size feels appropriate for our family and how we plan to use it.

Which brings me to the other really neat thing that happened. We host a Bible study every Sunday. We started attending it when we were living in Aragon and then when we moved to my parents we offered to host. It has been such an answer to prayer. We have this wonderful group of friends from church that we are getting to do life with. We come together on Sunday evening and share a meal, prayer, and study time. We also do things outside of that, like go to the Buchanan Fried Pie Festival or kayaking down the Tallapoosa River. It is just the sweetest group of friends. When the main level of our house was framed up the families in our small group walked down with us to check it out and they signed scripture through out our house. I was so giddy over the fact that God has brought our family to this place of having this kind of community I’ve long prayed for. It is precious to me. We felt prompted to move because of the spiritual needs we perceived our family had and we stepped out into the unknown. And wow, God has honored that obedience and act of faith in the most amazing ways. And the years we had in Lindale were special. But they were difficult at points because of what we lacked with the body of Christ. Yet they were not wasted years. Because those years make this time for us all the sweeter. Our small group is busting at the seems in my parents living room! I love it!! And I can’t wait to share our new home with whomever else God brings into our life.

When husbands are right

There have been so many times in our married life that Jason wants to do something and I completely squash the idea because logically and practically it seems like a bad one. I’m just very pragmatic; with a touch of melancholy!

But we just returned home from camping (or maybe they call it glamping because we did have a camper with full hook ups) for the first time in my adult life and yet again I am over here telling Jason “You were right”.

Side note; I find it quite amusing that we decided to try out this whole camping thing 6 months after having our 6th child. And yes of course it took some serious convincing to get me there. Like I said, I have this tendency of thinking about all the negative possibilities. So when Jason is like “Let’s go to the lake!!!” Or “Let’s go camping!” I’m the one that is all…..

But what about our animals?

And it’s gonna be so hard with the little ones.

It won’t be relaxing.

What if someone drowns?

And where will everyone sleep?

Basically “We’re all gonna die!!!”

Sure these are all real possibilities. But there are other possibilities, too.

Like, we have fun.

And it’s a break from the normal school, laundry, cleaning and driving everyone to and fro.

We can let the kids play outside and get totally exhausted by all God created.

We don’t die and it’s wonderful memories together!

It’ll still be chaos but it’ll be a different chaos!

I’m slowly learning after 17 years of marriage that Jason does have a better sense of certain things. He can be more adventurous than I am and that can be such a good thing. And when he says “I think it’ll be good for us.” I need to just trust him. I need to trust that my husband is not trying to harm me or our family or cause us distress; he loves us and wants good things for us. So even when in my mind I’m certain it will absolutely be the worst thing ever, this little whisper inside me says “Trust your husband.” I’m learning to lean into that. Marriage is a partnership. There is so much opportunity to compliment each other if we are willing to lay down our perspectives and learn from one another.

Camping was absolutely AMAZING. I can not believe how much I enjoyed it. It was restful, fun, disconnected from technology and connected with nature. The kids played, swam, kayaked, rode bikes. We walked, talked, and laughed our heads off. I was genuinely sad it was over and still shocked to call myself a “happy camper”. It’s about as shocking as me loving my minivan so much.

All of this reminds me of the times that I may be scared to but need to trust my Heavenly Father. That he has my good even when my head and heart are thinking “This can’t be good for me!! How will this be good for me?!?” So often I am resistant to do things unfamiliar and get out of my comfort zone. The unknown can be scary. The known I feel like I have some control over. Trying new things, stretching new muscles, and growing in weak areas is necessary and good. Being hesitant to do something that I believe isn’t a good idea, doesn’t make sense to me and I can’t see HOW it could be good, at points has prevented me from growing spiritually and been missed opportunities.

I’m so thankful that I have a husband and a Heavenly Father that both press me over and over to try new things, to trust, and to grow.

Give us this day, our daily bread…..

I think I may change this little spot on the web of ours from Graham’s in His Grace (which thank goodness we are) to The Very Unimpressive Life of the Grahams. 😂

I am staring at a giant hole with concrete walls on a couple sides, plastic and rebar and rough in plumbing in place. Our slab was supposed to be poured Tuesday. It has been bone dry around here for weeks but of course it’s going to rain when we are about to get concrete. I know God is in control of the rain and schedules and all the details of building this house; I know he has purpose in the delays. So there’s that update.

I came down to the property just to get some air. I have a three year old, need I say more? Griffin has proved to be particularly challenging. I attribute a lot of it to him being too smart for his own good. And I know God can potentially use that intellect and strong will one day for his glory but lately it’s wearing me down. To be fair it’s not all him. It’s also having a 22 month old, six month old, 16 year old, 15 year old and an 11 year old; not to mention a husband and animals around every corner. (Sorry Jay, I didn’t lump you with the animals intentionally.) Oh and we need not forget that whole building a house situation.

I am so grateful that my parents are allowing us to live in their house but it still has its challenges with three bedrooms and eight people living here.

Since putting our house on the market, almost 2 years ago when I was eight months pregnant with Elijah, I started having these strange anxiety episodes, but they don’t come on me like a typical panic attack. They come on slow and subtle, starting with my vision. I’ll see stars or things will get somewhat blurry and distorted. Other things will start malfunctioning; once it was my speech and I couldn’t talk. Other times it’s been numbness in various body parts and it always wants to lead to me fainting. And that’s when the panic starts. I have called EMS twice, thinking I was having a stroke! Thank goodness it’s free for them to come out as long as they don’t transport you to the hospital. I know it’s stress and anxiety related and I’m learning to cope with it. I read that elevating my heart rate and changing my breathing pattern through something like jogging helps. Getting outside, changing my environment. I started going on prayer walk/jogs. Today I find myself walking and in my head I am singing the song, Came to My Rescue, and I just start to cry. I’m not a superstar mom. I am poor and needy and I am striving to trust what God’s word says. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven……” Matthew 5:5-12 ESV

The world around us doesn’t really value being a mother anymore but if you are one you DANG well better be it AND do all the things. Just go look up a family vlog on YouTube and tell me that this influencer culture isn’t preaching be the mom bomb! People are literally monetizing “Clean with me!” “Organize with me” among many other titles that can make one feel less than.

And even though I have deleted all my social media accounts and my YouTube app, it’s permeated my brain. I find myself wondering is that even what God calls me to be, a “superstar mom”? Yes, we are called to be good, loving, Godly mothers, that love the Lord with heart, soul and mind, teaching this to our children. And that will look a certain way for all of us. But satan can morph that idea quickly into this unattainable, unhealthy expectation, that really isn’t even about God it’s about ME. Is there anywhere in the Bible that talks about “Blessed is the super star mom, who need nothing from her God.” ??? That is just not what I get from scripture. So I am here to tell you that I am not a superstar mom. (And I really want to quit trying to be one!) I am still a desperate mom. Desperate for Jesus, praying for our daily bread, and trying to learn (and be content with) that is exactly where God calls me to be.

“But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, “Great is the Lord!” As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!” Psalm‬ ‭40‬:‭16‬-‭17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Now, I shall go and give my small children another hard raw noodle because that’s the latest delight in their world.

Plans

January 2022

I journaled this while living at Papa T and Sunami’s. I vividly remember sitting on that 4 poster bed typing this out.

“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

Proverbs 16:9 NLT

I’m sitting here with my 5th baby feeding him a bottle of formula. I didn’t intend to feed him formula but things don’t always turn out how we hope. I’ve been in one of those seasons where it seems like so much of what WE planned has not gone accordingly. Isn’t it so hard to trust God with every single detail of our lives? Especially when it’s different than how we mapped it out in our minds. We often quote scripture or offer platitudes; but living out trusting God and not questioning Him when he alters our plans, is not easy.

I want to live open handed, “Lord here is my life, here is my birth plan, my breast feeding plan, my moving plan….. Lord I desire this yet not my will, yours be done.” But often I find myself wanting to control outcomes and feeling discouraged when things don’t go how I thought they should. I will wonder “Why this way? What’s the purpose here?”

When life becomes challenging do you ever think about how when Jesus was about to be killed on a cross, He asked the Father if there could be another way, yet not His will but the Fathers be done. It wasn’t wrong for Jesus to desire another way but he knew ultimately he needed to trust God’s way. Even when, by all appearances, it seemed like there could be a better path.

How can I maintain this posture? That when my plans are interrupted, delayed, or completely morph into something I didn’t anticipate or want, I can still say, “Not my will but Your’s be done.” I find it so easy to sing “It is well with my soul.” And then the song ends and the baby stops nursing, the toddler is crying, the house hasn’t been built, loneliness is still present, husband is still working endless hours,….. in that moment I just break down and cry, bewildered by all the plans that haven’t gone as hoped. Is it really well with my soul? Am I content with the Lord’s will when it’s different than my own? Is it wrong to cry? Is it wrong to lament? What does being “well with my soul” practically look like? I don’t think it’s wrong to mourn disrupted plans. Our Heavenly Father is tender and compassionate towards us and we can come to him and express our disappointment. Crying is appropriate, sometimes necessary if you ask me!

Edit: present time

I’m learning that being “well with my soul” is trusting God and doing the next right thing.

Two examples come to mind:

When Elijah struggled with breastfeeding and my efforts to exclusively pump were unraveling me, the next right thing was simply to feed him formula. And he did amazing. At first it was hard. Even though I had formula fed my girls and they didn’t skip a beat, I chose that back then. This felt like something was stolen from me and I really grieved it in the beginning. (There was also A LOT going on at that time) but slowly and tenderly God led me to trust him with all my good desires to want to nurse Elijah.

And when we waited almost 2 years for our house to START being built the next right thing was to joyfully live where God was providing a roof over our head. To watch how He would work through strangers, and my husband, and my parents to relinquish housing and investments to provide for our family during this season. If our home had been built seamlessly we wouldn’t get to see that beautiful sacrifice and the expression of God’s love through the body of Christ.

I recognize how important it is to consider the past and how God has been faithful, because He has. I can honestly look back on previous times in my life that were incredibly hard, confusing, and painful and see now how He was at work, executing His perfect will. In the moment I couldn’t understand. But fast forward it is more clear. And when we leave this life and enter into His presence eternally everything will make sense.

Let me end with a quote that I heard during that very difficult season. It really became an anchor for me, one that kept pointing me back to God and how he orchestrated his perfect will. Joel Smallbone from For King and Country, gave in an interview he did on what he’s learned about letting go of control…..

“Not getting so tied up in the fact that my expectation wasn’t met or something didn’t go right that you literally lose the whole beauty of the moment.”

So what about our house?

At this point you may be wondering about our house. I’m happy to say that we are finally beginning the process of building. They just finished pouring and water proofing our basement walls this week. I learned with my parents house that it’ll be done when it is done; so there is no move in date.

You may be wondering what has taken so long?

We began this journey in October of 2021 and never expected things to unfold the way they have. The first delay was a result of material costs skyrocketing and many strategic things, like windows, being on back order. We soon realized God’s grace at work because building our homes simultaneously would have been biting off more than we could chew.

We have had and continue to have so many revelations about this build. Maybe it’s just me, but building a custom home has brought heart issues to the surface that I didn’t realize I had. Sin that needs to be purged. We’ve downsized our plans several times and that has been a struggle for me. I have vacillated from wanting this to be my “dream home” to wanting to keep an eternal perspective; this is not my forever home. One minute I will think “I don’t care about how big the house is or how it looks, I just want it built!” The next minute I’m trying to redesign the kitchen lay out or expand the living room. I’ve spent way to much time looking at interior design ideas and coveting bigger homes, bigger kitchens and arched pantry doors. I’ve been sucked into believing with every fiber of my being that we need two dishwashers even though we’ve managed with one since forever. (And like my Grandpa Bragg pointed out to his children “Why would I buy a dishwasher? I’ve got 5 right here.” Speaking of my mom and her sisters, lol!) There are so many decisions that have to be made when building a home. Certainly many that matter in terms of quality, so you aren’t spending that money again a year later. But it’s also very easy to start making list after list of “must haves” in the name of “getting it right”. And one thing that I have learned in the last 18 months is I can live out my God given calling with a lot less than my American heart is accustomed to. But often times, I just don’t want to. I’d rather live out my calling with a massive kitchen and a pool; you know, so I can host all the unbelievers I want to witness to. Let me say this; if God gave us the resources to do that (like he has some families) and made it clear that was how he wanted us to utilize those resources, then we would walk in obedience. But that’s not our situation. I’ve had some tearful moments and feeling as though I’m not being heard ie: I’m not getting what I want. I start thinking “This is our one build, it has to be done right/perfect.” Some of these thoughts have a bit of truth to them but it’s not the complete truth. I realize how quickly I can start pursuing the worlds ideals and completely lose sight of what we really NEED and what really matters in the scheme of eternity. I really want proper organization, order, and beauty in my home. I know those are not wrong things. But they should not be “must haves”. Jesus is my must have. Everything else should be held with open hands. When I start clenching types of doors, layouts, room sizes, brass hardware, number of appliances, ect. I need to pause and really consider what’s going on in my heart.

Do I trust God to meet my needs? Do I believe he will care for me and provide everything I need to live a godly life? Is Jesus and relationship with him the most important thing to me? Is my frustration over material things Godly or sinful? Am I submitting to my husbands leadership? Does my attitude reflect Christ? Can I have joy even if I don’t get what I want?

Those are just a handful self-assessment questions I have been asking and the answers have been revealing!

I haven’t arrived yet. I mean come on, this building process just started! I’m certain God has so much more to teach me. I really pray moving forward I will keep my heart bound up in the Word of God and his glorious truth. That I will be filled with joy and gratitude even when things don’t turn out how I hoped or expected. That I will remember where my true treasure lies, not here on earth where moth and rust destroy, but in Heaven.

I love and will end with the wise words of C.S. Lewis: “Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”

And if you are a curious person like myself and want to know what house we are building, here is the link to our plans. Can’t wait to share more of the process with you all.

The new (not our) house and welcoming our newest baby!

Following Christmas and New Years we were getting settled into the new home. It was really nice to have a little more space, our kids back in the house and being on the property we purchased and planned to build our actual home. I was so relieved that this time I knew where I would be bringing my new baby home. My parents house is a 3 bedroom 2 bath with just under 1700 square feet. But it felt huge. The season of having our kids in a camper brought space that I didn’t really love. It felt like we were not together as much and that there was “distance” between us and our big kids. I welcomed having them back under our roof and gathering together in the open concept kitchen/dining/living room.

So what does rooming arrangements look like for a family of soon to be 8 in a 3/2? The girls share a room with a daybed. Griffin and Caleb share a room with bunk beds. Elijah has a really sweet space in the very large master closet and the baby will be in our bed or next to it upon his arrival.

One of the many reasons my parents felt so strongly about us living in their brand new custom built home (I just need to emphasize how big a deal it is that they are letting us live here!!) is because of the outdoor space. They have a paved driveway and sidewalk, two covered porches, and a mostly flat lot. All things our Aragon house does not have. You could say Aragon is a treacherous place for small children. It is rough, rocky, un-level, and then there is that whole incident with Honey. My mom said that it would bring her so much joy knowing the kids could have a safe place to play outside, which they love. Not only can the little ones play safely outside, the big kids have ample room to ride their dirt bikes. Jason rented a friends skid steer and made them a nice little track right off the back of what will be our basement. 

My due date for baby was February 5th. But as many know I consistently carry past my due date. I was 40+5 days when I had what was my last OB appointment and upon examining me she said “Do you want to have this baby in the car? Or do you want to go ahead and be induced?” To which I replied with a big smile, “Let’s just see how it goes.” She instructed me to come in as soon as contractions started for fear I might have this baby at home. I really wasn’t worried about that. I’ve been fortunate to have pretty smooth delivery’s but babies don’t just fall out of me! I did feel on the edge of my seat though, knowing that labor indeed was VERY near and could begin at any moment. I came home and thoroughly stressed my husband out with the update, because he does not enjoy spontaneous labor. Thursday night passes and so does Friday. On Saturday morning February 11th I woke up around 4am and contractions were coming on slow and steady. I had two bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios; the perfect pre labor and delivery meal right?! At 5am I determined this was the real deal. Being 45 minutes away from the hospital and knowing I was 4cm dilated two days prior I didn’t want to end up in transition in the car so I woke Jason and we headed out. Maybe one day I’ll share the whole birth story, that praise the Lord was incredibly joyful, but let’s keep this concise shall we? Isaac Christopher was born at 11:00am exactly; weighing  8 pounds 5 ounces. He had a full head of hair like many of our children and is such a gift to our crazy tribe. 

Christmas 2022

(Part 5 of the story of our move series)

The month of December was a mad dash to the finish line on my parents house. As the last few items on the list were getting done, my mom and dad were led to do something extravagant. The original plan was to finish their house and all of us move over there and continue our house/camper duplex situation. This would allow us to sell our investment property in a good market and have plenty of cash for our build. But we began to realize that it might be good for us to have some of our own space. It had been a long year for us all. We all had shared homes in different ways with different people and we just longed for our own dwellings. So we decided we would stay in Aragon and my parents move to the Buchanan property. 

And then my mom and dad had what some would consider a crazy idea. They wanted us to move into their beautiful new home and they would remain at the Aragon house until our home build was completed. Obviously we have wanted to move to Buchanan all along. We had formed a wonderful new community in this area with an abundance of Christian fellowship for Jason, me and our kids. My parents saw the commuting (45 minutes from Aragon) and recognized not only could we be near these great relationships but also be next door to our home as it is built. Anyone that has ever built knows it’s incredibly helpful to live nearby while under construction. We felt the offer was too much. But my dad insisted it was led by the Holy Spirit and well, who can argue with that? Again we found ourselves accepting a very generous gift of hospitality. One week before Christmas we got the certificate of occupancy and moved in. It’s almost like dejavu; I was very pregnant and moving. This time at Christmas. We un-decorated and re-decorated the Christmas tree. And then quickly got ready to celebrate with my side of the family that would be in town from North Carolina and Florida. If I had to sum up this whole move in two words it would be gracious chaos. I have felt at many points there has been nothing but chaos but God has also met us with his grace every step of the way. We have run into quite a few hurdles with moving and building. We thought surely our house would be built by this time but it wasn’t. Turns out making a baby is less complicated than building houses 😜 What I can say is God has always met our needs even though it has looked WAY different than we imagined. He is so much more creative than we are! 

Aragon continued

Sharing the news of my pregnancy had its ups and downs. In June on our summer vacation I started bleeding very similar to when I miscarried before. We later with relief learned that we did not lose our baby but I had a subchorionic hematoma that hemmoraged. That was yet another stressful time with lots of “bed rest” and limited lifting ect. We pushed through and by the 20 week ultrasound it had healed and we learned we were having another BOY. So that makes 4 in a row. I continued to have a healthy, wonderfully uneventful pregnancy.

Living with my parents had a lot of benefits and some challenges. The extra help was such a mercy from the Lord. And learning how to navigate sharing a home with another homemaker was a refining mercy as well. (This was true for me with both Susan and my mom.) My dad had to play mediator on a few occasions, which he is great at, and there were several evenings that Jason and I or my parents just needed to go for a drive. But my mom and I both recognize that this whole endeavor is less about building our homes and more about God building our character. You don’t realize how much character building you need until you live with other people! It was hard at times and I did think “what in the actual heck are we doing?!?” I wanted to throw in the towel at many points but it was too late; we were in too deep! So I had to press on and lean in to the sovereignty of God. Trusting that it all really was for my good, my families good, my parents good and His glory. 

It’s so much easier said than done. It’s also easier to say in hindsight. 

November 17, 2022 Jason and I were working on some of the tile at my parents house. We had Caleb and Ryann with us while my parents were in Aragon with Micaila, Griffin and Elijah. 

My dad calls me. He asks for Jason. I knew something was wrong. I could hear Micaila crying in the background. He tells us that Honey, Micaila’s golden retriever was hit by a school bus while her and Micaila were on a walk. My parents were not far behind her walking the two little guys. They heard everything; Micaila saw everything. We dropped what we were doing and rushed home. The whole drive I was praying for Micaila. Honey was gone. We had never suffered a loss like this with a pet and Honey was very special. She was beautiful and smart and had so much life in her at almost 4 years old. I couldn’t stop crying. Crying for my daughter. Crying for our family. I still cry thinking about it. It was such a jolt, a reminder that life is precious and can be gone in an instant. We all prayed that Micaila would heal from the loss and it’s traumatic nature. God has been so gracious in answering that prayer. I can’t say that school buses aren’t a trigger for her but she has found much comfort in friends, family, and her new golden doodle, Hunter.