In ten days it will be three months since the boys came into our life. In that time we have watched “the big baby” (as Caleb once referred to him) go from crawling to walking, learn several new words in sign language, understand the delight of being tickled and amuse us with his husky laughter. It hasn’t been all roses of course. There are days when his strong will is down right exhausting. I find myself caught between the unknowns of his history and yet wanting to provide structure, boundaries, positive reinforcement and all those building blocks of healthy discipline. With your own children you are at least a little sure of what’s appropriate and helpful to build them up, but with a child coming from who knows what kind of environment you tend to question everything. “Am I holding him too much? Too little?” “Why is he crying? Is he having attachment issues? Why does he cry with me more than Jason?” Every day seems to be different and unpredictable. But even in all that, we love Big Baby, and we are so happy he is here with us.
Then there is the little guy. I’ll never forget when they put him in my arms, all 5lbs of him. So tiny and frail. It was scary taking in such a fragile little infant. Jason and I silently wondered if he was going to make it. We had never seen first hand a baby struggling to thrive. That tiny little man is now 11lbs. He started smiling a month ago and we all know what joy a babies smile can bring. It still melts my heart every time he gives me that big grin. He babbles with me during diaper changes and I swear he says “hiiiii” mimicking my voice. He still spits of like crazy, but now it’s “happy spit-up”. So I guess that’s cool. 😉
As for our three kiddos…. The girls took to the babies immediately. They both are very helpful. Micaila is a superstar big sis. We wouldn’t be able to go anywhere if it weren’t for her being able to tote big baby to and from the car. Ryann has started asking me questions about their future and if they’ll be her brothers. Caleb has quit asking when they are leaving, so that’s progress right? While he is very affectionate toward the little guy, he has struggled to like big baby. But I believe his heart is softening toward him. He referred to him as “buddy” the other day which made me very happy. We all are making strides in learning what real love is, namely; love is selfless and sacrificial.
I’ve been camped out in Philippians 2…. Because I continually need to be reminded of the example Christ gave us. Verses 1-7 says, “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,…..”
This ministry has its joys but it also has its challenges. Lots of them. Pray that we will continue to entrust these boys into the merciful sovereign hands of God. Their future is unknown and it can sometimes lead us to wonder and potentially worry. You really just have to take it one day at a time. Another area you can pray for is the moments when I feel isolated and lonely. It’s incredibly difficult to go anywhere with five children, especially with two unable to walk independently. We stay home a good bit and I do start to miss people. Big people! 🙂 We did get a family YMCA membership which I think will be a great outlet for me and all the kids.
I thank all of you who are praying so diligently for us. We feel it and need it.