I deserve it!

People, we are so funny. Me. I guess I find myself funny. I’m sitting here having a wonderfully quiet moment. Caleb is toddling around, while our little gal, lets call her “Hope”, is napping. Hope seems fitting. We hope a lot of things for her future and we trust in God, the One who our hope comes from.

Anyway, “why do you think you’re so funny?” you might wonder.

Well, my wheels have been turning lately. And as I am having this peaceful moment where I can actually hear and sift through some of my thoughts I have this one in particular that made me giggle at myself. I thought, “you know what me? I would love to have a facial. No I need one. I mean I’ve NEVER had one. My skin needs whatever it is that they do in a facial session. I think I might even deserve one.” Well when that word comes in to play that’s when the laughter begins because one thing is for sure, if I deserve anything it’s a sack of rotten potatoes. Which just this weekend I discovered is the most disgusting smelling thing you could ever have happen in your pantry. Ever. I didn’t even know potatoes could rot. Just quit. I can hear your thoughts way over here. I went to cook some and they had produced this fowl smelling liquid that could only be compared to cat urine. And then I felt like the filthiest homemaker ever because “how on earth did I not know this was going down in my pantry?!”

What’s a post with out some funny truth 😉 that really happened and I’m not exaggerating even a little.

This idea of deserving.

de·serve
dəˈzərv/
verb
1. do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment).
synonyms: merit, earn, warrant, rate, justify, be worthy of, be entitled to, have a right to, be qualified for more……

I think generally when I consider what I believe I “deserve” in conjunction to life’s daily choices and grind it’s in the rewarding sense not so much “man I really stunk at having patience today, I deserve to be punished! Will someone please put me in the corner?”

Because of the messages the world bombards us with we have to fight extremely hard against thinking we are deserving of or are entitled to said thing. Practically everything, every where, caters to what people think they should have. I notice this now more than ever as Jason and I are trying to raise these little precious children into healthy followers of Jesus. Lets face it, we can more easily look at another human and see “wow you are so entitled! where on earth did you pick THAT up from?” To add to our flawed parenting the world keeps feeding them “you need this, you need that, satisfy your hunger, desire, craving, want! need! AS SOON as you possibly can because you deserve it!!! And if you are told wait or no you are deprived maybe even neglected!!!” I mean seriously our kids can barely make it a car ride with out us showing them real life photos of what starving children actually look like. “You are not starving!” And I admit, we are part of the problem as well. We live in and are fighting against the worlds subtle seducing lies and sometimes words like “starving” and “I need a chickfila sandwich immediately or I might die” have possibly come out of my mouth.

I really need to work on the whole “stay on point” writing characteristic.

What’s really had my wheels turning is the topic/phrase our pastor has been preaching on which is “Jesus is enough”. I really do believe that. So much that I want to put it into practice with, like, everything. I have been asking myself a lot lately “is Jesus really enough for you?” I have been evaluating my life, particularly my possessions, or activities I can engage in and thinking “if you didn’t have all this would Jesus be enough for you?” In moments of weakness, pain, sadness, anxiety, frustration, when my initial response is to fill myself with something worldly (shopping, pedicure, running, a girls night out, a phone call ect) I keep hearing in my head “is Jesus enough for you? Can He satisfy this longing or relieve this ache for you?” I admit I can be co dependent on a lot of things and people at times. Sometimes I look to other relationships before looking to Jesus. I look for something to distract me before turning to Jesus. It’s not that having people to talk to in your life is wrong, no we need the Body of Christ! And its not that doing things for yourself is wrong but sometimes I do stuff for the wrong reason, justifying it with my “scale of deserving” with out even laying it over to the Lord. When I do that I miss out. Often I’m only briefly relieving my ache/void because ultimately Jesus is enough, in fact He is IT. There is absolutely nothing in this world that can satisfy my soul like He does. There is no one that can offer words like His Word! (Unless of course they’re quoting scripture which is the best advice/encouragement we can give each other) 🙂

I have been really content lately. And it has caused me to wonder “if you were elsewhere, didn’t have “xyz”, if things were not this way….. Would He be enough?” The fact is I have absolutely no reason to be discontent. I have FAR more than I need or “deserve”. On a serious note I know what I really deserve. I know that we are not given what we deserve (Psalm 103:10) that Jesus rescued me from the eternal death I wouldn’t have been able to save myself from. I know God has given me more than I need, for reasons I will never be able to explain. I wonder all the time “how on earth did I end up here?” Ultimately when I reflect on my life, childhood to now, every single moment, I am on my face with gratitude for the privileges God has given me. But a lot of our focus can be more toward the “material” blessings. The tangible items. Because that’s what the world considers being “blessed”. Right? When you have a big beautiful home, nice car, money, nice clothes, taking vacations… All those things ARE a blessing but if someone doesn’t have them that doesn’t mean they aren’t blessed.

Phillippians 3:7-8 But Christ has shown me that what I once thought was valuable is worthless. Nothing is as wonderful as knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have given up everything else and count it all as garbage. All I want is Christ…

In context Paul is referring to people putting all their stock in the old testament law. But so often I define myself, my worth, my value, on WHAT I have not WHO I have and Him being Jesus. I agree with what Paul says “all I want is Christ.”

Day by day Christ is revealing to me that some of the things I put a lot of value on, actually have no value at all in the scope of eternity. And that IS what matters. In fact I just had this thought: the idea that a bigger house with beautiful aesthetics, flooring, counters, painting, decoration, stainless appliances, nice cars, lots of shoes, clothing, accessories,….. Seriously I’m examining the contents of my life and thinking “wow, this is a lot to maintain!” Cleaning this big house, all the floors, all the laundry, keeping track of stuff so it doesn’t get lost, picking up, putting away, mopping, on and on and on…… What a distraction. Wow. Seriously this just happened in my head. I spend a lot of time trying to maintain things that ultimately don’t hold any weight in heaven.

I am not saying that stuff is bad. I just am wondering, “Could I possibly be missing out on even more of what He offers because I’m distracted with cleaning my oversized house and folding way.too.much.laundry. Because 7 days worth of clothing isn’t enough?” I know that I have more than I need but I don’t think I had considered that it could be a means of distraction. Could my energy and focus be on something more kingdom worthy? Instead of vacuuming this big beautiful home, that I am more than grateful for, could we downsize to what truly meets our needs and spend that time elsewhere? Could we be maintaining something that serves as a ministry? We can’t avoid maintenance! But I would rather be investing my energy maintaining a ministry than just the extra stuff, which we have a lot of. For crying out loud my husband has a vehicle sitting in our garage that is a beautiful piece of machinery, would be a hot ride for date night, (which then would qualify it as a ministry in my book!) but yet it just sits. Seriously a waste of space. Funny how I just threw him and his Camaro under the bus. I love you babe! 😉 Am I still typing?!

Y’all know I love that song, Jeremy Camp has a beautiful rendition as well as Fernando Ortega, Give me Jesus.

The lyrics are:
In the morning when I rise
Give me Jesus
When I am alone
Give me Jesus
When I come to die
Give me Jesus

But my favorite line is:
You can have all this world, just give me Jesus.

Jesus is enough. I want my life to be evidence of that. I think it may be time for a change.

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