To tear down or build up……That is the question.

Being a godly wife means a lot of things. I committed to love my husband not as the world loves but as God loves. I won’t do this perfectly but at every opportunity I should be striving for God’s standard; laying down my own rights and desires so that my husband can see an extravagant love that only comes through relationship with Christ. One of the areas I know I can love my husband better in is supporting and encouraging him in his work.

I’m not even going to pretend. Since Jason started working for the Honda dealership I have had a pretty depressive attitude the majority of the time. I know I have made his challenging job even more difficult by not being encouraging and supportive.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1

Our words and attitudes can make our husbands feel either purposeful or discouraged in their job. This potentially can bleed over into other areas of life. We have to be careful not to tear down our own home. We have to make every effort to speak life and encouragement to our men.

I have struggled with this. At points I have convinced myself that I must voice all of my thoughts to Jason. Good, bad, and paranoid. My attitude and prayers have not been,
“Lord I trust where you have my husband working. I trust that you know how this job affects our family. I trust Your sovereignty, that You can take him somewhere else, if that’s what You need to do for Your bigger story. I believe you have us here for a purpose, that you want to use Jason and our family to reach people for Your glory.”

No, my attitude has been more along the lines of,
“Lord, please give Jason another job. This job stinks! The hours are awful, we never see him. This job is so worldly. You couldn’t possibly want Jason here. How can we glorify you by him selling cars and being gone all the time?”

And you better believe what I tell the Lord I tell Jason too! So he was not feeling the support he should from his wifey.

It’s been 4 months since he started. He’s still there and it is not for lack of trying to get another job. I think I am finally accepting that God has him there for a reason. People need Jesus. People in the car business need Jesus. People buying cars need Jesus. I always knew this. I just haven’t wanted to embrace the idea that God wants Jason and our family to introduce Jesus to these people. I know, I’m a pretty challenged Christian. It’s a perfect example of wanting Jesus and wanting to share about Him but on my terms that work for me. I have been fighting the idea that God might actually keep Jason in the car business, maybe even for the rest of his working life, because he is calling us to this mission field. He has work for us to do.

One thing that I see a lot of within the dealership is broken families. There is a lot of unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage. Family doesn’t seem to be of great value and certainly not the “for worse” parts. When we don’t have relationship with Christ we don’t value what He values. But God created us FOR relationship with him, so people continue in search of what can only be found in Him. We think marriage and kids will make us happy or fulfilled and to a certain degree they do. They can also be a great source of frustration and discouragement and without Christ most of the time people give up and start the search over. This is rampant within Jason’s work.

Read this analogy taken from the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.
“The only real claim to fame in a forest full of trees is being seven hundred years old. As far as pure aesthetics go, you couldn’t even see the very top of this particular tree in the Washington Forest. From where we stood, it was just a straight and enormously wide trunk, covered with spider webs. We were walking in a forest filled with trees, but the National Parks Service put a sign in front of this tree for one reason, and for one reason alone: It had survived for seven centuries. It had simply gone the distance, and in so doing it commanded attention.”
“In a society where relationships are discarded with a frightening regularity, Christians can command attention simply by staying married. And when asked why, we can offer the platform of God’s message of reconciliation, followed by an invitation: “Would you like to hear more about that good news of reconciliation?””

Jason and I are about to come up on our nine year wedding anniversary. It is completely 100% entirely because of Jesus Christ. Not only is it rare for people to stay married that long but I think because of our age it’s even more surprising for people to hear. To further shock them they can’t believe we have three children who are, with the exception of Caleb, well-mannered and obedient. Hey two out of three isn’t bad right? God has to keep us humble! 😉 Whatever good qualities you see, in our marriage or parenting, are a result of obeying how the Bible teaches and commands us to live out those roles. That and the magnificent undeserved grace of God. My point being; It is not us, it is all Him. And I really feel like that is part of the testimony he wants us to take to Jason’s work.

Satan will try to trap us with thinking too much about our past or possible future knowing that our effectiveness is in the present. God is sovereign and it’s time to embrace where he so clearly has us RIGHT NOW. God doesn’t need us to accomplish his purpose but he has invited us to join him and not waste a single moment. I don’t want to look back on this time as wasted. I would rather look back on this time and think “Look at what God has done.”


5 thoughts on “To tear down or build up……That is the question.

  1. Kate, all of this is spot on, but I think the overarching and comprehensive truth that applies to every Christian is found in the sentence, “Satan will try to trap us with thinking too much about our past or possible future knowing that our effectiveness is in the present.” If we could only learn to embrace the moment and see every circumstance in our lives as divine opportunity!

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