It’s time to go

The kids and I have been in Florida for 9 days now. It’s been a really wonderful, relaxing, WARM, 🙂 trip.

We enjoyed the wedding celebration of a long time friend of mine, Devin, to Tony who did not disappoint my expectations. Very sweet, genuine guy. Their ceremony was beautiful. And the reception was a real treat. I must say, as this was our first experience with Micaila and Ryann being flower girls, it was sheer delight for me, watching them accomplish their task and then dance the night away.
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Mr and Mrs Hass, eee!!
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blessings 1,2,3

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They were owning that dance floor. Had so much fun watching them.

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As did he 🙂

We have enjoyed the time with friends and family.

We went to the zoo with Linda and had the most gorgeous zoo perfect weather. They had the sweetest baby elephant and probably the coolest part of the day was leaving the elephant exhibit and my 4 year old Ryann saying “Roll tide elephants”. Jason you are doing a great job! 😉

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I just love this sweet boy and all his exposed chunk!

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Linda and the girls feeding the sting rays

I’ve gotten to spend quality time with my best friend Kaitlyn. We talk nearly every day on the phone but nothing beats couch time with her. She is one of Gods (unexpected) gifts in my life. Beautiful inside and out and a Christian woman that I really look up to. I can not tell you how instrumental she is in my daily life and how much I value her genuine, authentic Faith. And icing on that cake, an evening with Harry Potter and a sweet potato for a snack. A perfect evening with you Kait. I know, we’re so lame cool. I even fell asleep. Turns out you’re rubbing off on me Nicole!

I can never have too much time with my parents. They have been graciously sharing their condo space with us- 950 square feet, give or take a few. And even in such a humble living area, it’s not that small when your parents are as awesome as them. They are such a blessing to me. Never have they made me feel that I’m wearing out my welcome. They have been here for me when I need a break or when I need prayer. They love us abundantly and unconditionally. You guys seriously rock!

I always enjoy worshipping at Lutz. You guys are the real deal. Every one of you, Dad, Delio, Steve, the band, the choir, and the members of the Lutz Body I love you. Thank you for always reminding me that I am loved there. Your hugs, concern for my family, and prayers mean the world to me. Y’all will always be home. 🙂

And I don’t mean to leave anyone else out. But if I kept going on I’d be here all night. Every moment I had with every individual was wonderful.

When you have really awesome visits like this it certainly makes it more difficult to leave.

I MISS JASON. Babe. Seriously. I miss you!!!

But I haven’t felt ready to go home. I have been surrounded by so much family and support since Micaila’s diagnosis and even through the difficulty I wasn’t alone. (Well of course, we’re never alone right?) Interestingly my not wanting to go home has little to do with Micaila (and her HSP which I will update you on later) and more to do with me.

Satan knows my weakness. He knows exactly where to get me. People keep telling me “you are handling this thing with Micaila so well!” And I am. What I’m not handling well is an entirely different matter. I truly haven’t felt this kind of spiritual warfare in years. It’s almost as if satan sees my reaction to Micaila and decided “well if I can’t get her there I will poke around over here. Play with her mind, her thoughts, her emotions.” He knows what to do and how to do it. He saw me taking steps in the right direction, sensed my desire and sincerity in making changes in my thoughts and actions.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8 NLT)

So he decided to amp it up. Plant more lies and deceit.

And I continue to fight back. Fully aware that the only way I’ll come out of this dark cloud he’s trying to hang over me is by the power of God.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:11, 12 NIV)

So what does going home have anything to do with this? Well, I really dislike being alone. And you-know-who knows this! I’m here, with my parents, my siblings, my in-laws, my best friend, and all kinds of other Christian relationships that I literally could fill every.waking.moment. visiting people and being encouraged through out this emotional battle.

But then I wonder. Is it possible God wants me to rely on Him to come out of this victoriously? By Him and His power alone. Uh, yeah! I think that’s a pretty safe assumption.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9, 10 NLT)

Now I’m not saying I’m there, yet, but I certainly want to adopt that same mindset Paul had. And have confidence in what Gods Word tells us.

In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children? My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. (Hebrews 12:4-11 MSG)

Can I get an amen!! How wonderful Gods Word is!!

And while satan wants me to believe his lies, lies like “you’re gonna be so alone.” My sweet Savior is already working on my behalf to counter that.

While I wrestled with doing what’s right and doing what I wanted to do, the Holy Spirit was moving on someone else’s heart.

I opened up to Nicole about where I was at spiritually and emotionally. And don’t you love it when you can clearly see the Holy Spirit overflow from one person on to yourself. Like you just are so glad that they are in your life and that they made themselves available to be used by Him. And now their sensitivity to you and the Spirit is touching your life. God is good y’all! Have I said that yet?

He is so good!

And then just to really affirm me, the Lord orchestrates another phone call from Caroline. Nicole’s best friend. That she has been gracious enough to share with me. I can learn a thing or two from these godly woman. Thank you for calling. I love you gals!

I didn’t even have to get home for the Lord to start revealing to me that He loves me, He will take care of me, He will never leave me, and He has placed people in my life, in Georgia, that want to love me right where I’m at and encourage me in my faith. All I had to do was lay it down at His feet. Put aside my fears and quit thinking about my darn self!

And heres something else to really kick myself in gear. I got to thinking and I figure, usually when it comes to attacking its done by someone-to someone that they see as a threat. And if satan sees me as a threat well then I will take that as a compliment and continue to pursue God even harder. So take that devil!

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3 thoughts on “It’s time to go

  1. When I got to the part of your post that said you haven’t felt this kind of spiritual warfare in years, the tears began to well. I am there, too. And I feel exactly the same, the devil realized he wasn’t getting quite the effect he wanted from our family with Layla’s diagnosis so he threw some more stuff in the mix to see if that would work. Thank you for your transparency and for the reminder that I am not alone in the fight for faith. Your words were a blessing. And yes, take THAT devil.

    • Jessika I’m praying for you girl!! And I am sure you are in the Word every opportunity you get. I’ve resorted to writing references on my arms so I always have SOMETHING right there. It helps!! “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

      • Thanks Katie! I’m reading this book right now called “Calm My Anxious Heart.” Have you ever heard of it? It is offering so much peace in the middle of all this chaos right now! My favorite thing to meditate on in this book is this: the Bible says “He has assigned us our portion and our cup. He has made our lot secure.” If we acknowledge that God is a good and faithful God, then we must also acknowledge that whatever our lot is in life, that it is for our eternal good. There is soo much peace in that! Whatever happens is assigned for my eternal good. Beautiful. Thank you for the prayers, you are in mine as well! Blessings to you!

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