Before I get into my topic of this post I want to give y’all the latest on Micaila.
Today she is doing well. Friday night we got a bit worried. She had been 24 hours off the steroid and threw up again. Fortunately we knew not to be alarmed by this but what concerned us was that being off the steroids was going to be miserable for her. Saturday she moved back into that very lethargic, no appetite state. We even did the ice cream test to see if it was all for real or if she was pulling our leg. She passed up the shake, therefore she passed the test. I didn’t want to immediately start her next dose of steroids though. I really wanted to see how her body would do on it’s own. She wasn’t completely miserable so I figured we would wait a bit. I did go ahead and get it filled though to have it on hand.
We are in Florida now. Micaila and Ryann are in a wedding this coming weekend. First time being flower girls for my good friend Devin. I think Micaila will be okay. We went to the pool today and she enjoyed some swim time. That was great for her since we’ve been a little cooped up lately. Great for all of us actually.
And as I write Popi is taking her to grab a cheeseburger. If she eats half of it that will be a good sign. 🙂 update: she ate 3/4s of it, woohoo! This is great progress with out needing the steroid
So! New clothes 🙂 who doesn’t love them? But alas, I’m not talking about colored skinny jeans, sheer blouses or scarves.
I’ve been struggling. My FLESH wants clothing, accessories, shoes, romantic getaways, trips to the Bahamas, a big house on lots of property far away from most people with beach access and a mountain view. Oh and I want Siri. But my heart knows that none of that will bring me happiness and satisfaction. Y’all, I am telling you, my heart, soul, and the Spirit in me long to be pleasing to my Father in Heaven. Truly it is my deepest desire. It is greater than all my fleshly desires but yet seems so hard to accomplish at points. Sometimes I just feel like a complete failure. And that is right where Satan would like to keep me. But this girl is not about to stay there.
He and I have been duking it out. Every time I thought I had the upper hand and covered myself enough with prayer, scripture and accountability he’d bring something else up. Seriously we’ve been wrestling. Knock down drag out kind of fighting. And my apologies to anyone who sees me on a regular basis.
I believe I should be representing Christ, my Lord and Savior, a whole lot better. Because as I was reminded by Delio (teaching pastor at FBC Lutz) today in worship WE are Christ’s ambassadors. (2 Corinthians 5:20) We are here to represent Christ.
Too often I lose sight of why I am here, why I was created. God created me, (and you Christian) to reconcile the world. We are here to exemplify His love to others, to EVERYONE. So that the whole world would come to know and love Christ and spend eternity with Him instead of spending eternity in hell.
Truly you do NOT wish and should NOT be okay with someone never coming to have relationship with Christ.
And when I think about how I am representing Him….. I hate the idea that my attitude, my lack of compassion or love towards others, my complacency, my selfishness or the simple fact that I’m not relying on the power of the Holy Spirit to exhibit fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. (Galatians 5:22,23) Yikes! We are talking about people’s Salvation! And I want my life to compel people to move towards Christ and all the joy and fulfillment He brings. I do not want to call myself a “Christian” yet pursue the things my flesh desires and give others the impression that “that’s okay she says she’s a Christian.” AND possibly risk someone ELSE’S salavation because they viewed ME as the same as them. If I am a Christian, my life should show it, I should be different.
I should be really different.
I want to be REALLY different.
This morning when I woke up I was experiencing some anxiety. My mom took the girls with her to early worship and this allowed me some quiet time with Jesus. (And Caleb). I was reading and praying through Colossians and what stood out the most to me was this:
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. (Colossians 3:12-14 NLT)
Well shoot! I have been wearing the wrong clothes as of late!! And I am committing, right now, to clothing myself with what matters.
In an effort to do so I have decided to try an experiment. Because as my dad reminds me often “If nothing changes nothing changes.” Or “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got.”-Henry Ford-
At the end of worship this morning I thought to myself, what is hindering my relationship with Christ? What might be stunting my growth? To figure this out I am making a list of possible “trip ups”. I had 3 come to my mind immediately. My plan is to remove those things, plus whatever else I feel the Spirit prompting me to do and see what difference it makes in my closeness and growth in Christ. Just an example of what kind of “things” I’m talking about. For me, social media, texting, and drinking in group settings came to mind immediately. Other things for me could be running, the PHONE in general, spending money ect. Basically anything that distracts and keeps me from God or anything I have ever thought could reduce my effectiveness as a Christian. Now none of these things are inherently bad, in moderation of course. But if I find that with out them my relationship with Christ is stronger,… well that’s pretty obvious. Of course if I feel like I can introduce any of these back in my life with out inhibiting myself spiritually or reducing my effectiveness for Him than that’ll be okay. Like I said, it’s an experiment. 🙂
I keep thinking about where and who I want to be if I died or if Jesus came back. And I know for a fact I want to be smack dab in the middle of kingdom work.
I was reconciled to be reconciling. -Delio Delrio