Hello friends and family! I have been wanting to post my next blog for my series on “No excuses, make an effort”. I have written two out now but with it being about spiritually sensitive subjects I like to pray and ponder over them for awhile to ensure it’s the Holy Spirit’s word and not mine.
These last few weeks have been very emotionally taxing for our family. I’m not 100% sure but I’m assuming it’s baby boy that is messing with my hormones. I can honestly say (and Jason can concur) that I have NEVER been like this pregnant. This being: completely irrational, overwhelmed, on edge, always about to cry, feelings and emotions just completely out of control ect. As I have laid in bed trying to figure out “What is wrong with me?” (because being pregnant just hasn’t been reason enough for it all!) the word Bipolar came to mine. I know I’m not, but that should give you a pretty good picture of how I have been. It is so frustrating and exhausting. I have spent time praying asking for the strength to have self control and to not allow my emotions and feelings to strip me of joy and a thankful heart. I do have so much to be thankful for. But my Spirit and flesh have been fighting a major league WAR with each other and feelings of guilt and self pity and absolute confusion take over. I keep wondering “why?” and I keep trying to find a solution that can end these crazy feelings.
My parents came in town which was wonderful and yet again the guilt of inflicting my wickedness on more loved ones was present. I am so thankful though to have family members that truly LOVE me. My husband, mother and father, all have continued to love me despite my down right ugliness at points. (I want to cry just typing that out.) If I were them I would be running for the hills! But they, (especially Jason God bless this man), have moved beyond their own desire to receive love and affection and poured it out on me regardless of my response. My poor mother has put up with a lot too, I love you mommy!
Once again, Christ is revealing to me through my own circumstances what it means to love like He loves. He also is revealing to me again that I HAVE to be fully reliant on him, totally in sync with His Spirit. Satan would absolutely love for me to be consumed by these feelings, to lash out at my husband and children, and to blame it all on “being pregnant”. Yes, I’m pregnant, and yes, it is causing my hormonal imbalance. But I want to be filled with the Spirit and controlled by Him so that when I am overwhelmed with feelings I don’t understand, my response will be one that honors the Lord. Galatians 5:22-23 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
This is no easy task. But we were never told it would be easy. Jesus willingly, lovingly, embraced the discomfort on the cross for my sake. I want to willingly embrace whatever circumstance I am in and with strength from my sweet Savior, glorify Him in that circumstance.
With all that said, here are some pictures from my parents visit. We went this cool little waterfall and it was so beautiful and SO symbolic of my emotions (especially from that morning).
It started raining, but it just went with the whole experience. Honestly made it even more fun and adventurous!
Ryann with her bruised up face. First she got hit by a swing she was pushing. Then when it finally started to go away, she tripped and hit the coffee table. Poor girl, what are we gonna do with you. You are still beautiful. Both my girls and NeeNa. 🙂