God is faithful when I am not

The Lord’s faithfulness constantly amazes me. Especially when I continue to fail at being a true follower, continually putting Him on the back burner and allowing MY life, MY world, to take over and ultimately disappoint me. Why do I do this? My only conclusion is because I am a broken human and I desperately need Him but often don’t acknowledge that and rely on myself and others to meet my needs. No one can meet my needs except for HIM. Isaiah 45:24 couldn’t have spoken to me more clearly this morning “In the LORD alone are deliverance and strength.”

I casually mentioned in one of my recent blogs that I recently have weaned off my anxiety medicine. For now I wont go into the details of why, that will be for another blog. I will say that I may or may not begin taking celexa in the future again. I did not choose to go off of it because I believe people shouldn’t take medicine for anxiety or depression. On the contrary, I think lots of people should! If you have ever experienced anxiety or depression you know it can be debilitating and often distract you from your relationship with Christ. It has done that to me before. This time though I truly believe God allowed that decision to take place to bring me to my knees once again and realize that I DO DESPERATELY NEED HIM. Coming off of it has been frustrating to say the least. My emotions have been out of control. And of course the ones who are mostly affected are those closest to me. In my mind I am constantly reminded that “You are being so selfish right now.” and I have felt incapable of coming out of it. Well that’s because I am when I’m relying on my weak and broken self. Which I have been for too long.

A few months ago I started a Beth Moore study called Believing God. I was also trying to read through the Bible in a year with Bible Gateway. Two weeks into my Believing God study I became overwhelmed and stalled out on everything. I was coasting along, not feeling any major effects of being out of communion with Christ. I knew this wasn’t going to last, I knew I needed Him, but I continued to ignore the small gentle voice of the Holy Spirit and go about MY life. Then it all hit me yesterday, on Jason’s birthday of ALL days, when everything out of my mouth was negative and ugly. I was irritated by everything and everyone and only wanted to think of myself. In the Bible it talks about grieving the Holy Spirit and yesterday I could FEEL that. I knew that my behavior and attitude was grieving Him. Grieve is defined as: To cause to be sorrowful; distress. To mourn. To hurt or harm. Conviction set in and I knew I had to change something and that something was someone, my Savior, and where His place was in my life. He needs to be first.

This morning I got up before the girls to spend time with Jesus. I haven’t made this effort in too long and what amazes me is that He is always waiting for me. He shows up, He reveals Himself, and reminds me of His love, faithfulness, compassion. He gives me renewed strength and washes away my sin of yesterday. As David Crowder sings in one of my very favorite songs You Never Let Go:

When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul

When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go

Oh, my soul
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills with hope
Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You’re the same
Oh, You never let go

Today has already been a million times better than the last 5 days. Why….. because I am walking WITH the Spirit. I hope this brings comfort and encouragement to any of you who struggle like me. 

Philippians 3:12-14 (The Message)

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.


2 thoughts on “God is faithful when I am not

  1. So true, Katie. Sorry I wasn’t a better accountability partner for the Beth Moore study, just another area God has to develop in me!
    Love you!

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