I’ll be honest with you,…. I have a hard time hearing the answer “No.” or “Not now.” or “Wait.”
Have you ever had a dream?? Have you ever believed so passionately so intensely in something that you know without a doubt the Lord placed that fire there? I think we all have. I know for me personally I have felt that a few times.
There are a few things in my life that I have been certain about. I have always been absolutely certain that I can not walk through life with out a strong relationship with Christ. It doesn’t work, it’s not fulfilling, and it just plain old stinks. Other things in life I’ve been certain about are marrying Jason 🙂 and having children. These things I know God has called me to do. And then there is that other thing….. some of you know what it is. For now, here, it shall remain nameless. Oh don’t you love mystery! 🙂
I constantly am aware of the people in need that surround me. I think to myself ALL the time about “What can we as a family be doing to help others?” Guilt (which is from the devil himself) plagues me. Guilt about my own life, as if I have any control over it. We live a life of ease no doubt and it increases my desire to share with others what God has graciously blessed our family with.
This “thing” we (I especially) have always wanted to do and recently I have felt like it’s time. “Why wouldn’t it be time?” “Of course we should do this! It’s the RIGHT thing to do.” “Why would we wait any longer?” But it’s not time. And doesn’t it just STINK when the Lord speaks to you through a loved one (which he very often does) and you can’t help but resent that PERSON for telling you “Wait. Just wait.”
It certainly has been hard for me to swallow. I hate waiting. I mean really who LIKES waiting? And I have been angry, anxious, on the verge of depressed because I’m not getting what I feel is right. Oh crud, has this become all about me???? So I’ve been venting and praying to God and trying to get ahold of these emotions and I’m beginning to realize he wants to use this to shape me. He wants me to wait on HIM, for HIS timing, to seek HIM in prayer over this. Not to beg and manipulate Jason (yes it was Jason) to get my way. It’s not supposed to be about me. It’s about allowing the Lord to be at work in our lives and doing what HE calls us to do. Not what we think is right. Of course this is all easier said then done.
So, being that I do have to wait, I am choosing to do it with a better attitude. I have decided to everyday pray fervently for this “thing”.
Psalm 5:3 (CEB) LORD, in the morning you hear my voice. In the morning I lay it all out before you. Then I wait expectantly.
I’m writing this blog to show (and see for myself) exactly how God will work through this situation, from start to finish. 🙂 I trust in HIS plan, not my own.
Isaiah 55:9 (CEV) Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, my thoughts and my ways are higher than yours.